I am a Balcony Muppet

Hello, my name is Andrew and I…am a balcony muppet

The Muppets were always there when I was growing up and I always wanted to be one of them. In fact, one of my earliest memories is of a 4 or 5 year old me debating whether or not he should try smashing the family room TV screen, removing the diabolical barrier that kept him from jumping onto Sesame Street and hanging out with his furry blue friend Grover live and in person. Young Andrew did not go through with it thankfully, but not because he was afraid of any ensuing trouble or electrical shock. He was simply too shy to meet Big Bird and Oscar. Fast forward a few years to the Sunday evening in September 1976 when The Muppet Show premiered. My neighborhood friends and I were so excited about this major event that as soon as we thought it was time, we immediately stopped what we were doing, jumped onto our banana seated two wheelers, grabbed the chopper style handle bars and peddled home as fast as we could. Safely at home, my mother revealed we had an entire hour before the show. Heck that might as well be a whole week in the pre-video game world of a kid in the 1970’s. Imagine what my friends and I could do in an hour!! I had to get to them before they were trapped taking a bath with all of that extra time or worse! I remember jumping back onto my bike and bolting down Del Norte Rd to find the rest of my 7 year old biker gang. The streets had become desolate with the neighborhood’s anticipation of that evening’s entertainment so I turned my purple sparkle hog around and headed home. When I got there I was not greeted by the same smiling, loving Italian mother I had met earlier. No. See, the sun had started setting and every kid knows that the moment the sun heads home for the night you must be in your house. Apparently myriad dangers lie in wait on the streets of suburban South Carolina after sunset, things so awful no one really wanted to talk about them, but they were there. Mother’s also apparently changed after that moment when the sun winked good night, and mine, eyes wild and speaking unintelligiblly, whisked me angrily into the bath. I was only able to interpret later that she had told me I could not watch the premier. Devastated.

Over the years there have been different Muppets I have connected to. Of course as a fellow drummer I immediately related to Animal. Although our musical tastes and drumming styles seem diametrically opposed, deep down I imagine every drummer just wants to let rip and go “animal” once in a while. Gonzo was probably the other character I connected to, partly due to his daredevil bravery and partly because he was weird. . . and so am I. Who really understood what or who Gonzo was until the blockbuster cinematic event that was Muppets from Space (1999) cleared everything up? Aren’t we all at some point trying to figure out who or what we are? It is a part of humanity’s disconnect from its creator, and exactly why so many of us ultimately come to faith in Christ. In Him we find our identity, our family, and in that we often discover meaning. We, like Gonzo, often feel we are strangers in a strange world until we finally see ourselves as our Creator and Father does.

My interest in science of course draws me to Beaker and a love of BBQ has resulted in a subtle fondness for Ms Piggy. However at the highly introspective stage of life that makes you eligible to join AARP, I realize that the muppets I see myself reflected in most, are the ones I always liked least. I do not find myself up on stage as the musical-science-daredevil I thought I was for decades. Instead, during a moment of self evaluation in which I wish I had never indulged, I find myself with a seat in the balcony next to Waldorf and Statler. In case you are simply too young, not a muppet nerd, or if you actually just grew up and moved on to more adult pursuits like Golf and paying your taxes, let me clarify. Waldorf and Statler are the two old guys that sat in the balcony of every show in the legendary Muppet Theater harassing the performers, spitting their abrasive venom at all who dared attempt to entertain that evening. They are the Godfathers of Trolling, the OGs. Who can forget their comments after a young and upcoming Steve Martin visited the theater? A typically crotchety Statler turns to his partner in snark and quips, “well, that was different.” Waldorf volleys, “yep. . . lousy”, “but different” finishing in unison before the credits roll.

I never really liked them to be honest and the fact that I now find myself owning that I am one of them disturbs me greatly. I guess I should sum up what I mean somehow. See, I didn’t create the term “Balcony Muppet”. I heard it on a sitcom. . . I know. . . you don’t need to say anything. Half hour story short, the episode was about racism. One of the main characters, a white woman, wanted another character, a black man, to host a meeting to find out about racism in the store where they work so they could, “take it to corporate”. The man sheepishly refuses and the woman responds, “”Oh I forgot, you don’t like to lead, you prefer to sit to the side and make snarky comments like a balcony muppet” – ouch – I was cut to the quick and I didn’t like it. A calm and gentle voice rose up quietly within me and whispered, “That is a perfect description for you”. Well, I did not like that at all. If I am going to hear a voice, and if I am to assume that voice is from God’s Holy Spirit, why can’t it talk to me like it talked to Gideon hiding in the winepress? How about a “greetings O Mighty Man of Valor! God is With you”? Why not something like that huh? Why do I get, “You son have made yourself into a Balcony Muppet”?

It’s obvious really. The Gospel is about restoration. Our walk is about growing daily into the image of God so that we may become quite literally “God with us” to the Gonzos of this world, to those lost and broken and restore them to The Father. If we who believe find ourselves only commenting from the balcony and never taking the stage we are no better than those who sat in the boat while Peter walked on the water. What do I mean? Glad you asked.

The story of Jesus walking on the water is told in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark and John. Interestingly, Mark and John seem to skip over an important part of the tale. I’ll try to sum it up but I highly recommend that you take some time to check out Matthew 14 for yourself here. The chapter begins with a recap of the beheading of Jesus’ cousin and “opening act” John the Baptist. Upon hearing the news, Jesus is devastated. He hops in a boat and row row rows to somewhere he can be alone and grieve for his friend and prophet. People are people however, whether it is 2021 or 2021 years ago, we just can’t seem to get outside of our own issues and see what other people are dealing with. The crowd finds out where Jesus is and hunts him down. Of course Jesus IS able to move outside of His own problems and see the needs of someone else. He comes to the crowd and heals the sick. As it gets closer to dinner time he even performs a miracle by feeding somewhere in the neighborhood of 10000 men, women and children with 5 rolls and two small fish. Just put yourself in Jesus’ shoes. . er sandals. . . He just found out his cousin was beheaded. . .not passed away because he was old . . . BEHEADED. John was thrown in prison because the king didn’t like what he had to stay and when the queen liked it even less, she had his head cut off. So many emotions. Yet, when he sees this massive crowd, instead of asking them to come back in a week so he can grieve and deal with this shocking tragedy, he has compassion on them. Think of the irony of it. Most of these people were coming to him essentially out of selfishness and he responds out of selflessness. . . beautiful.

There sure are a lot of medieval paintings of the beheading of John the Baptist but most were too gory for a Muppet themed post. I liked this one because it shows what appears to be a 16th c. Conquistador doing the deed!! I did not know John was a missionary to Mexico!

After the meal and the clean up, Jesus sends his entourage to cross the lake in a boat while he closes the meeting. He just needs a few minutes to be alone with his pain and most likely with the Father. It is late when he is ready to head to the other side. Having no boat he does what any of us would do and begins to walk across the water as if on dry ground (beat that Moses!). The wind has picked up and with it the waves. The stormy sea mixed with the darkness of early morning has created a scene that could only result in terror. The disciples have been rowing for hours fighting the waves. They are no doubt tired from lack of sleep and a crazy day no one would believe. Then they see it. Coming toward them in the distance. Is it a man? A man walking on the water? Can’t be. Must be a ghost! That is the only answer. But the Ghost calls to them, “Don’t be afraid! It’s me! Jesus!” Only one speaks up. Peter calls out challenging the ghost. . . er Jesus, ‘If it’s really you then tell me to come walk to you on the water”. The reply comes immediately, “Come then”. The other disciples must have thought Peter was insane. We can only imagine since the text doesn’t tell us. Did they try to stop him? Did they attempt to talk him out of it? This was just crazy. Before they knew it, Peter was out of the boat and taking step after step on the surface of the water toward Jesus.

I once had a coworker tell me how much she loved the Bible and how she learned that all the miracles could be explained other ways. Her Bible teacher, a priest at the Catholic college she attended, told her that, so of course it must be true. She actually gave this story as an example. Apparently the explanation is that people did not ever swim at this point in human history and this account was the first time. The Gospel writers had no word for swimming so they called it walking. . . I am sorry I have wasted your time with this interlude. . . now back to our story.

As Peter walks, one step at a time (this was not a leap of faith, it was step after step as seems to generally be the case when Jesus calls us to follow Him), the waves and the wind begin to find their way into the game so to speak. Perhaps one hits Peter in the face and as he stumbles and chokes on the water he takes his eyes off of Jesus. In that moment of “what the heck am I doing?” he begins to sink. The Bible says Jesus immediately grabs his hand, pulls him up and they walk to the boat together.

When thinking about Balcony Muppets and stories I could use to illustrate with, I thought of this one right away. The problem was I couldn’t figure out how it really fit. There is no recording that the disciples mocked Peter but they certainly didn’t follow his lead. There is no evidence that they judged him a failure, or criticized his water walking technique. All we know is that they sat in the boat while Peter took enough steps that Jesus could instantly grab his hand as he sank, then walked back to the boat with Him. Sure, I guess we could call sitting in the boat a form of Balcony Muppetism. I realized that it isn’t a character in the story that brought this to mind, rather it is how I have always heard this story told and preached. We, the reader, tend to be the Balcony Muppets.

Hopefully your experience has been different. In my 35+ years in The Way (yeah I hear it, take it how you think best), the focus tends to be on Peter taking his eyes off of Jesus and sinking as a result. “When we allow our fear to shift our eyes from Jesus to the waves around us we will begin to sink” blah blah blah. Don’t be like Peter. Peter failed, and Jesus saved the day. We sit on the outside of the narrative hurling judgement, snarky comments and in some sense looking down on the feeble faith of Peter as the words of Jesus ring out, “Why did you doubt?” We feel like this is the point of the story but it is only part of it. Often when it is our time to step out of the boat, instead of simply looking at the first step we see the distance and the waves, the certain death between us and the One who has bid us “come”. Instead of taking that first step and then the next, we climb back up into our balcony and judge those who have at least stepped out when they sink, ignoring the fact that they, and not us, actually walked on water. But that’s not me is it? I understand the deeper message of the story don’t I? I have a blog after all . . .

I don’t know why Mark and John leave this story out. Was John, the self proclaimed disciple whom Jesus loved, embarrassed that he wasn’t the one who walked on water? Did they consider Peter’s actions so ridiculous that they refused to even tell the story? I thought I could spend the later half of my time in this dimension just talking, telling people how they should do it, how they should walk out their faith from the comfort of my dining room table. Many of us in our social media balconies do the same, freely expressing our opinions but doing little to create change, often only hurling snarky comments at those who have taken the stage. In the latter part of John’s life he wrote “Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue but in deed and in truth”. The COVID pandemic has shone a light on a lot of things in this country not the least of which is that everyone has an opinion and that we aren’t afraid to display it for all the world digitally. Unfortunately, many of us, having done so, will simply sit back in our balcony seat and watch while others try to actually create change.

Maybe we simply do not feel we can do it. Someone else would be better, younger, stronger, smarter, more talented, more gifted, nicer or better looking. The leap looks too far and too dangerous. We want to, but we feel we can’t and maybe that is why we judge those who do. This is where I have let my inner narrative take me. It is easier to be a Monday morning quarterback than it is to put in the work required to be one on Sunday. Paul, in writing to the Phillipians, encourages them that, “it is God who works in you both to will and to do, for His good pleasure”. I have sat in my balcony, for years, desiring to do more, to do something, but finding myself frozen when it comes time to step out of the boat. The courage was not there in myself, but Paul reveals that the same God who put the desire in my fuzzy muppet heart, will put the strength and courage in my weak little stuffed arms if I will take the first step. This world needs more Gonzos and less Waldorfs. It needs more Peters recklessly abandoning the boat to walk toward Jesus and less preachers pointing out his sinking. If the Church is to rise up to meet the challenges of a world that has lost hope then we who find ourselves in the balcony must join those already on stage. . . and do

What is it that burns in your heart? What has God worked a passion for into you? What do you see that the world needs that no one is filling. Maybe you, like me, have been so long in the balcony you aren’t sure anymore what would make you take the stage. Maybe you stay in the balcony because no one has asked you to come out. Think about this. Jesus did not actually ask Peter to step out of the boat. That was Peter’s idea and when he stepped out, Jesus was there with him. No one asked me to write this blog so I did it anyway. I may be writing this to no one but myself. I probably am. I realize if I am going to be the man God designed me to be I can longer respond like Waldorf and Statler when Jesus says “Come”:

Statler: This is a very moving moment.
Waldorf: Yeah; I wish they’d move it to Pittsburgh!

It is time to start leaving the balcony. . . one step at a time. . . My name is Andrew and I was a Balcony Muppet.